Hallo Tumblr! It has been so long since I visited you. And now, I want to share with you a little bit of my relationship with my dear Erra.
It has been eight month being in a relationship with Erra. Slowly, these feelings of mine fading away. And I do not know why. It is not that I want these feelings to get away. I want them. Like, ALOT! But, I cannot control them. Was trying so hard. But it will not stop.
You know, these feelings come few weeks before. And it is the moment when Erra was drag to a special camp, so called, PLKN. At first, I am pretty sure that she do not want to enter the camp. Few weeks later, she began to have friends. It is not that I do not want her to have friends, but sometimes, Erra having friends kinda bother me. Especially when I’m not there with her. Other than that, some boys at that camp also flirting her. Which really make me burn in rage like an angry mob starving to start a devastation of a city. It really pissed me off. And also this one.. She contacted with a fucking Melanau freak?!??!! I know she’s happy to have friend like that guy. Because, she’d dream to have a friend from her hometown. Sadly, it crushed my feelings. It turned my trust in Erra to ashes.
Was so frustrated. I feel like puching that guy in the face. Especially that guy who was flirting Erra. Calling Erra “Sayang”? Fuck off bro.
Something also makes me sad. Knowing Erra said that she miss that stupid camp. Not ready to go a day with me alone? I know that, as a muslim, we can not go on a date alone together. SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! Like, SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!
Since then, I feel like our fountain which we both build is collapsing, bricks by bricks. This make me feel like I’m a worst boyfriend ever!! Eh, I am really the worst boyfriend ever! I am CLUMSY! Not even RANDOM! Not Awesome! Not Funny! Not TALKATIVE! Screw my life man! Anyway, sorry for being a boring boyfriend. I do not want this. Sorry Erra, for bringing me into my lifeless boring life.
It’s been a long time since my last update. Today, I’m going to share few thing about me with you.
Two days before was my fourth having in relationship with my sweetest girlfriend, Erra. On that day, it was so fun! We hang out together after class, at school. We talks, eat, and also played a traditional game, “SEREMBAN”. It was a tiring day, but still worth it. Hanging out with Erra never been boring. Every single second we step side by side was the best thing ever happen to me. :)
But, there is also one thing which took my attention immediately. Watching Amir makes me feel.. guilty. As you can see, Amir is Erra’s Ex. They broke up because of me. I know exactly why Amir broke up with her. He did it for me. He gave away his love just to make me happy. He is so kind. :’) It’s like he want me to take care of Erra for her. Eventhough he hurts so much, he keep stay cool and never fall. I repect Amir.
By the way, these days, my relation with Erra is kinda, complicate. I try working it out for so hard, ways and stuff but it still doesn’t make changes. Well, I’m still doing my best for the best of our relation. I love her so much. I don’t want to screw a single thing. Lastly, one for sure, I will make sure, that one day, Erra and I will live our life, happily after. :)
♥ ♥ ♥
I’m sorry for what I did many months back then. Those feelings in the past was controlling me. I was overwhelmed! I never thought I would be jealous of him. I knew everthing.. I guess. Because of me, it happened. I’ve ruin your life back then. I’m truly sorry.
I love you so very much. Even though at times I do things that hurt. I try so hard to hope that you always see how much you being in my life means to me. I am sorry yet again for causing you pain. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do. Even when I am trying to look out for you and do the right thing I mess up, I am sorry for that too.I hope that you know how much I love and cherish you like nothing else in my life gives me the trill of being loved by you. Eventhough I know, I’m not the one who you really want, it’s fine with me though. I’m just a spoiled, clumsy brat who always troubles you. But, every single day, hours, minutes and even second we spent together is the best day of my life. So I hope that you listen and see it in my eyes, this sincere apology that comes with tears from deep inside.
I appreciate everything we did together.
Everything about you is lovely. You’re an immensely charming girl with a beautiful heart and more grace and elegance than I know how to describe. You are a true princess from a dreamy fairy tale, and above all, I just want you to know, that I was never in love with someone else. I never had somebody waiting on me. And ya, I never treat other girls like I treat you. Therefore, please believe me. Cause you were all of my dreams come true and I just wish you knew that I was so in love with you.
What a boring day for a last day before my trip to KL. I was hoping to spend my time longer with Erra. But, that doesn’t happen. I ended up doing RC’s work. Still, it’s kinda good for me though. But, I feel really sad seeing you so happy with the others except me. Moreover, I always wonder whether you ever think about my feelings. Anyway, yeah. it’s holiday for me! and not the others! :D Less stress, fuck yeah! But, there’s always a few of disadvantages though.. Hahaha! Nevermind! Last but not least, I will be missing Erra for five days. This is kinda tough for me you know? But i guess it’s find for you. Lastly, I love Erra so damn much! Love! Love! Loveeeeee! :DDD <3
Siti Khadirah Binti Abdul Kadir!! I LIKE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU SO MUCH!! AND I ALSO REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY ADORE YOU SO MUCH!! ♥♥♥ (^_^)
I change my attitude. I change my way of living. I change my hairstyle. I stop cursing. I respect others. I change everything in me just because of you.